Sad, huh?

I feel awful.  I don’t like you anymore, and  definitely don’t miss you. I feel awful because this whole situation was a slap in my face; it bruised my ego and it’s awful because I did it to myself. I broke my own heart. I allowed myself to be so caught up in an idea that I sped past the warning signs and drove full speed ahead into oncoming traffic. I crashed and burned. HOW could I allow myself to get to those depths of desperation and loneliness? How could I allow myself to become another statistic? Another fat insecure girl who accepts the worst kind of love because subconsciously thinks that that kind of “love ” is better than none at all- because that’s the love she thinks she deserves. The funny thing is that you didn’t even TRY to like me. I can’t even blame you. I have to blame myself. This is MY responsibility. This is MY burden to bear until you  become a distant memory. The signs were all there. WHY did I let myself get caught up in this stupid idea that you CLEARLY wanted no part of again?

Am I letting you off the hook too easily? I mean, you DID say that you wanted us to be together. You did say that you liked me. You did say all the right things. You DID make me believe that I was… WANTED. You made me believe that I was attractive, and well… palatable. I felt so awful about myself for so long that your sweet nothings were EVERYTHING.

I actually feel nothing for you. That pang in my stomach everytime I see you isn’t nostalgia or anything even remotely akin to feelings for you. It is a constant reminder that i let myself down. I became a girl I swore that I’d NEVER be. I broke my own heart.